


Trollmegle: Eridan

by mitspeiler



Series: Homeglestuck [1]
Category: Homestuck
Genre: I am mean, Other, Trolling
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-20
Updated: 2014-02-20
Packaged: 2018-01-13 03:29:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 655
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1210939
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mitspeiler/pseuds/mitspeiler
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eridan goes on Omegle.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Trollmegle: Eridan

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lordlyhour](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lordlyhour/gifts), [polyfandrous](https://archiveofourown.org/users/polyfandrous/gifts).



**You're now chatting with a random stranger. Say hi!**

You both like **love.**

 **You:** I don't havve any fuckin diseases

 **Stranger:** loool

 **Stranger:** i hope not :P

 **You:** so wwhy doesn't no one lovve me?

 **You:** I can’t even get an autistic girl in bed and I tried really hard!

 **Stranger:** coz they are losers

 **You:** that's right

 **You:** it's all their fault

 **You:** can I talk to you for a bit?

 **Stranger:** always is..

 **Stranger:** sure :)

 **You:** Wwell see my long time gf and me broke up about a year ago

 **Stranger:** awe sorry to hear

 **You:** but wwe still hang out sometimes because I'm the only one around wwho can afford her services

 **Stranger:** services…?

 **You:** she totally hates me though

 **You:** but fuck her

 **You:** then I told my best friend that I lovved her the other day

 **You:** and she said that she had feelins for someone else

 **Stranger:** she needs to get at that

 **You:** and wwhen I asked her wwho

 **Stranger:** oh typical

 **You:** it was this loser piece of wwhite trash that I hate

 **You:** like wwhat does she glubbin see in him?

 **Stranger:** aaha white trash

 **Stranger:** i love that word

 **You:** hehe

 **You:** yeah it's a little funny

 **You:** but it's like

 **Stranger:** i call me mates that

 **You:** my best fuckin friend

 **You:** wwell male friend

 **You:** wwe already established my best friend wwas a girl

 **You:** wwhile all this is going dowwn, he suddenly doesn't havve any time for me

 **Stranger:** wow really

 **You:** and he's busy I knoww that it's not his fault he has responsibilities

 **You:** but it still sucks you knoww?

 **Stranger:** oh

 **Stranger:** life does

 **You:** yeah it fuckin does

 **Stranger:** fuck relationships

 **You:** fuck evveryone

 **Stranger:** why bother

 **You:** oh god it gets wworse

 **Stranger:** haha

 **Stranger:** yh thats the case

 **You:** I havve this friend wwho's a girl

 **You:** she's totally hot but I'm not all up in that because she's a lesbian

 **You:** wwe're pretty tight

 **Stranger:** ahahh lesbian aint hot

 **Stranger:** buy gay guys are haha

 **Stranger:** but*

 **You:** nah man she's one of those super feminine lesbians that looks like an old timey film star

 **You:** and yes that's true hahaha

 **Stranger:** loool the guys i like are gay :(

 **You:** awwww that sucks :(

 **You:** but my glubbin story listen up!

 **Stranger:** ikr am like why do this to.me nd ok!

 **You:** I ask her to set me up wwith one of her friends

 **You:** she's this cute little blond

 **You:** purple eyes can you believve it?

 **Stranger:** omg wow

 **Stranger:** love that colour

 **You:** so yeah, totally hot

 **You:** and wwe share interests

 **Stranger:** it cud be contacts

 **You:** I thought I had a fuckin shot

 **You:** no I saww her as a kid, they're natural

 **Stranger:** oh

 **You:** and evven if not the rest of her was hot enough that I wouldn’t miss it, knoww wwhat I mean?

 **Stranger:** yh yh

 **You:** so we chatted a feww times, she's really sarcastic and stuff but it's cool I can dig a girl with a sense of humor

 **Stranger:** thats nice

 **You:** but it turned out she didn't like me at all and she and my lesbian friend wwere laughin at me behind my fuckin back the wwhole time

 **Stranger:** omg how mean :o

 **You:** then I wwent on a fuckin shooting spree and killed my ex best-friend, shot her wwhite trash boyfriend, and wwas finally sliced in half by a chainsaw thanks to my bitch lesbian friend.

 **You:** it wwas wweird

 **Stranger:** omg

 **Stranger:** wat the hell

 **Stranger:** hav u gone mad

 **Stranger:** ew am gonna be sick

 **You:** my name's Eridan Ampora, what's yours?

 **You:** :)

 **Stranger:** this is weird i just watched a killin drama

 **Stranger:** now am talkin to a murderer

 **You:** I only killed the one person

 **You:** and now I'm dead too so it evvens out

 **Stranger:** :(

**Stranger has disconnected.**

**Author's Note:**

> The above is a mostly true story, I actually posed as Eridan and fucked with a bunch of people on Omegle. I only edited Eridan’s speeches to consistently feature his quirk. I’m not entirely heartless though and came clean before she disconnected, then we had a story-telling contest. It was nice. Props to Lordly for the title and Poly for the idea.


End file.
